Epic Rap Battles Of History - Frederick Douglass vs Thomas Jefferson

[Thomas Jefferson]
When in the course of human events
It becomes necessary for a battle to commence
Then kplow! I hit `em with the illness of my quill
I`m endowed with certain unalienable skills
Let me run down my resume, will ya?
Set up a little place called the United States
Sound familiar?
I told King George he could eat a fat dick
When it comes to declaration I`m the first draft pick
I`ll topple any tyrant, so kings and pirates beware
I`m so down with revolutions, I invented the swivel chair
I`ve many volumes on my shelves, it`s true
But I`ve yet to read the three books you wrote about YOU
Looking like a skunk in a three piece suit
Didn`t come back from Paris to battle Pepe Le Pew
First Secretary of State, VP number two
Not to mention third president, the fuck`d you do?

[Frederick Douglass]
You finished?
Straight outta bondage!
A brainy mother fucker here to diss you
Big hair, big nuts, big issues
Starting with your nickel, there`s a real declaration
Heads for racist, tails for a slave plantation
You`re a soft white Monticello Marshmallow
Watching my people sweat while you sat playing cello
Hello! But now you`re facing me, Freddy D
I`d never work for your ass but I`ll kick it for free
Your stone face on Rushmore ain`t nothing
Check my photos, now that`s real muggin`
The face of a free man, taught himself to read, man
No compromise, you couldn`t whip a 5th of me, man!
You got a self evident truth of your own
You let freedom ring, but never picked up the phone!

[Thomas Jefferson]
Oh Frederick, I`ve never heard a verse I dug less
Alright I admit it, I confess
I participated in a broken system that I hated
But I needed to keep my financial status situated
And the words I used where "hideous blot"
To describe the slave trade and the pain it hath brought
And I fought to stop the trade of new slaves in Virginia
When I ran the whole state and still made it home for dinner
So forgive me, I was busy
Man, I had a lot to do
But we did it, you`re free now
So...we cool?

[Frederick Douglass]
This ain`t Louisiana man
I ain`t buying it
You talk about freedom but you ain`t applying shit!
So no, we ain`t cool
You founding absentee father
You had six babies with your slave mama
And never even bothered
To free her when you died
On the 4th of July
It`s a very important holiday
But what the fuck does it mean to this guy?
Cause I celebrate December 6th, 1865
The day the 13th damn amendment was ratified
And I ceased to be an alien to your unalienable rights
And "We, the People" stopped meaning "We the people, who are white!"
Man, you did some good things
I ain`t denying your fame
I`m just saying, they need to put an asterisk
Next to your name

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